Rules for Fair Fighting

Some Rules of Fair Fighting

1.    Do not overreact to small things and turn them into major conflict.

2.    No hitting below the belt. (Saying things to deliberately hurt, such as, "You're just like
       your mother/father")

3.    Don't try to make the other feel bad about themselves or feel guilty.  Never
       deliberately cause harm to your partner.

4.    Don't use silence or withdrawal of love as a battle tactic.

5.    Don't behave in a cold and distant manner with your partner.

6.    Avoid personal attacks on the other person.  Instead deal with your own feelings and
       say what you want to be different.

7.    Avoid interpreting your partner's motivation or behavior.

8.    Make your fight specific.

9.    Do not threaten to leave the relationship in a fight.  Leaving is a decision, not a fight    

10.  Fight about an issue not "You don't love me or you would not have done this".

11.  If the temperature gets too hot in a fight, reschedule the fight for a specific time
       so both can cool down.

12.  Do not use blaming as a fight tactic.

13.  Do not talk fast, loudly, or too long because it causes your partner to tune out.

14.  Do not hold on to old hurts or bring up old arguments during fights.

15.  Do not become addicted to being right all the time.

16.  Do not try to defeat your partner.  A fair fight is one where you each feel that you are
      okay emotionally.

17.  No warnings about resorting to violence.

18.  No violence!